


~Join me~

by LilKjay (orphan_account)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: ;), Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambush, Bathing/Washing, Blow Jobs, Brainwashing, Chapter 5 is the one you are searching for, Consensual Sex, Dehydration, Despair, Dom!Cullen, Dom/sub, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Feeding, First Time, I am so sorry, I will stand over here and bow my head in shame okay?, Kissing, NSFW, POV First Person, Red Lyrium, Red Lyrium Cullen, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, True Love, Vaginal Sex, analsex (maybe), here for the smut?, this is dark, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:24:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LilKjay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lake. A coin. A kiss. And then… the ambush. Red Templars and behemots, encircling us. Cullen standing protectively in front of me, sword drawn and yelling at them to stay away, at me to run. But I can’t. Rooted on the spot I watch in horror how they draw nearer. My hand searching and curling in Cullen´s. He pulls me close. Sword pointed at our enemy, his body trembling with adrenaline. Fierce like a lion, but in despair. Whispered apologies and words of love. There is no chance for us to survive this...</p><p>___</p><p>Dark. Like all my stories. Consider yourself warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Liala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liala/gifts).



> This is a (delayed) birthday present for my incredible and beautiful smutwife Liala!  
> Sweety? I want to hear you clap! (snorts)

 

 

 

Everything hurts. My head is spinning and I groan weakly. The ground underneath me is warm and damp, dirt crunching under my fingertips as I try to sit up. Muscles stiff from laying on the unforgiving hard ground. How long have I been here? It is painful to will my mind into function again. Like a fog, just slowly lifting as I try to recall what had happened. Cullen´s shy smile as he gives me his lucky-coin. A chaste kiss, full of adoration and hope. I smile at the image and lift my dirty hand up. Fingertip touching my lips. The red lipstick is smeared, I can feel the uneven sticky texture extending in a stripe. Down my cheek and jaw on the right side. When I pull away, there are flakes of dried blood. Like tiny gems, colorful spots beneath the grayish dirt. No. This is not right. Why is there blood on my fingertips?

 

Confusion mixes with apprehension as my thoughts rise from their stupor. It hurts to think, but I do it anyway. His hands on my waist, holding onto me as if I am the most precious thing to him in the world. Pulling me against his hard body, deepening the kiss just a little. My hands sliding in his silken hair, holding him close. Never want to let him go. Here at this lake, we are free. Only a man and a woman in love. Not the Inquisitor and her Commander. Not an Ex-Templar and a Dalish Rogue.

 

I splay one hand out, letting it slide over the stone underneath. My weight supported by my other arm, half sitting, half lying on the ground. Comforting warmth seeps into my bones, numbs the pain I feel somewhat. A few seconds pass till the dizziness lessens, then I finally lift my head. Red dim glow surrounds me, casting shadows on the walls. Clefted shadows. The air is humid and foggy, penetrated by a metallic tang. Not like blood, I realize after my heart skips a beat. No. I know this strange scent. Have smelled it several times in the past. Swallowing the bile that rises in my throat, I blink several times to clear my vision.

 

Stone floor, walls and ceiling coming into focus. To my right, metal bars. Behind that… darkness. Dread pools in me as I realize. A cell. And framing the bars, corners and edges of this cell… red lyrium.  

My gasp is choked as I recoil, scrambling as far away from this poisonous substance as possible. But it is fruitless. The crystalline veins are everywhere. I can feel the power, raw and demanding. And then I remember.

 

A lake. A coin. A kiss. And then… the ambush. Red Templars and behemots, encircling us. Cullen standing protectively in front of me, sword drawn and yelling at them to stay away, at me to run. But I can’t. Rooted on the spot I watch in horror how they draw nearer. My hand searching and curling in Cullen´s. He pulls me close. Sword pointed at our enemy, his body trembling with adrenaline. Fierce like a lion, but in despair. Whispered apologies and words of love. There is no chance for us to survive this... Too many Red Templars.

 

Tears start to spill down my cheeks as I recall his despaired gaze, golden eyes searching mine as they separated us with laughter. Red Lyrium claws dig into his skin, into mine. Hot and burning. I try to speak but only whimpers of pain leave my lips. Till the end Cullen held my hand, tight so tight. Refused to let go. Had first ordered, then begged them to only take him. To let me go. To show mercy. Anything.

I squeeze my eyes shut and tremble. His eyes are the last thing I remember, before the world turned dark.

‘Cullen....’ I whisper in despair and pain, pressing my face against folded arms. I can feel the deep scratches there now. Marking my skin, a reminder that it wasn’t a nightmare. No. This is real. Cruel and real. Hot tears run freely, the steady hum of the red Lyrium surrounding me interrupted by my sobs.

 

‘Cullen…’ my voice cracks, mouth so dry like sand. How long am I already here? Hours? Days? A week? But what does it matter? All I can think of is Cullen.

‘NO! Stay away from her!’ his pleading voice resonates in my ears. Where is he? What have they done to him? What if they killed him? The thought takes my breath away and I choke again. No, please no. Don’t let him be dead.

 

The Lyrium illuminates my cell alone. I can’t see farther than four feet, before everything becomes pitch black.

‘Please! Someone help me!’ I try to scream. But no one hears my plea. Like to mock, my words get thrown back at me, echoing several times and losing their meaning. My throat itches, my eyes do too. Fine red Lyrium powder wafts through the air, I inhale it with every breath. Poisonous, corrupting me.

Defeated my body gives up and I slide back to the ground. Muscles ache as I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping bleeding arms around them. Pathetically curled into a ball, crying like a child. The sound echoes through the cell, along the sinister stony corridor that leads into the dark.

  


* * *

 

 

 

Something pulls as my senses, brings me back to the waking world. I grimace, the crusted and dried liquids on my skin inflicting an uncomfortable stretch. Blood, saliva, tears and snot. Lying in my own filth like a abused animal. But I lost my will to live. I can’t see the sun, the stars, the silvery light of the moon. Can’t see his eyes full of love.  There is only reddish glow. It surrounds me with a steady hum, draining me from the last shredded pieces of energy. How many time has passed since I was last awake… I don’t know. It could be seconds, minutes or hours.

 

Then I sense again, what disturbed my restless slumber. Dirt crunches under armored boots. The sound becomes louder with each step, cutting into the red Lyrium´s soothing lullaby. A wheezing breath as if pained. Rustling of keys, sliding into a lock. I squeeze my eyes shut, refuse to acknowledge. Go away.

My back is turned to the metal bars, leaving my spine vulnerable. A long time ago, there had been the will to fight. I remember that woman faintly. She is standing close to a tall man, his strong arms wrapped around her waist. They would have never allowed an stranger to approach like this. But I am no longer this woman. The clothes I wear are proof of that. Tattered and dirty, barely covering my thin airy body. I don’t remember the taste of strawberries. The flavour of wine. The feel of hunger and thirst has abandoned me, left me alone in this cell.

 

Faintly, oh so faintly… I hear the voice inside me whisper. She becomes silent for longer periods of time now, so I am almost startled as she speaks up. The voice questions. Why am I still here. Why haven’t they killed me already? I push these thoughts away, not interested in finding an answer.

 

The latch slides back and erases the last barrier between me and whoever entered the cell. I sigh in surrender and relax. The air is so humid and warm. I try to find comfort in it and the soft hum which surrounds me. Like the gentle caress of a lover. There is no reason to fight anymore. Whatever had happened to me while I was unconscious… they will do it again. Regardless if I struggle or not. A small tear slides down my cheek as I recall happier times. Back on the battlements at the Stronghold whose name I don’t remember. The man with golden eyes and a soft deep voice. I wanted him to be my first and my last. The invisible knife in my heart twists at the thought of him. His name… his name was Cullen. My love.

For a few days, I told myself that he survived somehow. Held captive somewhere near. The thought nurtured the pale light of hope in me. Made me endure. But with every passing day, the light became weaker. Till it flickered and extinguished. Left me in darkness and forced me to accept the truth: My hope was an illusion. All the red Lyrium… it would be torture. He, my rock in the storm, couldn’t endure this. Not after all he went through. Even for me a non-Templar, it’s difficult to stay strong. I can hear the luring song, crawling under my skin and whispering to give in. And I am tempted, oh so tempted.

 

My eyelids flutter as I feel rough hands spiked with tiny shards curl around my shoulder. Like a doll I get turned on my back. Hoarse words, spoken to… whom? To me? Why would they speak to me? I scrunch my face, try to understand. One deformed hand slides under my shoulder blades, tearing on my skin and comes to a rest under my armpit. The pain is a friend now and I accept it as sign that I am still alive. The hoarse voice continues its litany, while another hand hooks under my knees. Tiny drops of blood bloom from the scratches and then I am lifted up in the air. The stranger’s arms and chest are hot as he cradles me close, his movements so tender as if he is worried to break me.

I sigh and lean my head against a broad chest, feeling the uneven texture of red Lyrium crystals growing from the stranger’s chest. No. Not a stranger. A red Templar. I can smell the metallic tang on his breath as he adjusts his hold on me. So close to his mouth I am finally able to understand what he says in this hoarse voice of his. Like a mantra he repeats a string of words, monotone and obedient.

 

‘Bring her to me… bring her to me… bring her to me… your General demands it…’

  


 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like... eight stories that demand to be continued at the moment.   
> But instead of supporting me my muse decides to drown me in more ideas.   
> Send help.

 

 

My eyes are heavy. Senses dulled I am carried through the dark. Heavy steps echoing along the wall, and ever so slowly I am able to see more. The air grows warmer, but less humid the further we go. A melody I now know so well, becomes louder and muffles the walking sound itself. Turning around a corner, my eyes widen a fraction at what I see. Red Lyrium. Everywhere. Growing from the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Glowing fog surrounds the crystals, reacting to the tainted blood of my escort with electric sparks. A brighter red than the rest, and the hairs on my arms and neck rise in answer. The Templar is unaffected, accustomed it seems, walking steadily. 

He is breathing heavily with a wheezing rattling sound. As I tilt my head up to study him, the metallic tang of corrupted Lyrium fawns in my face. Unable to escape I breathe it in and my eyelids flutter. Like a thin layer it settles in my lungs, making breathing even more difficult than before. But it also drugs me, makes me pliant. I realize that I begin to crave it. The feel, the taste, the comfort only Red Lyrium can give me. Vision blurred at the edges, I have to concentrate to study the Templar. Red thick veins streak his bare face, following the natural ones under the skin. They bulge with every heartbeat of his, a sight that makes me shudder. Otherwise his skin is ghostly, sickly pale. Eyes luminous, but without emotion. What his true eye color had been… I can only guess. Blue? Grey? Green? Brown? Whatever it was… it is gone. The iris is now a ruby red. Not as intense as the pulsing crystals around us - but demonic and dangerous all the same. Exhaustion clouds my mind and it takes effort to stay awake. Combination of exhaustion, starvation and lack of air makes me sleepy. 

 

The red Templar looks younger than his pained breathing makes him appear. My heart and throat constrict as I think of his family. Do they know what happened to him? Are they searching still? Hoping he will return one day? I swallow hard and tear my gaze away. It hurts to look at him. Even though he is one of my captors, sympathy grows in me. Maybe he had no choice, like the Templars at… I can’t remember the name of their base. He could be one of them, given the age I guess. A recruit, proud and willing to serve. Turned into a creature, deformed and corrupted by red.

He is unaware of my musings, my thoughts. Staring straight ahead, his claws dig into my skin. Shards of different size, tearing my flesh and irritating the wounds already there. But the pain is faint, not more than a steady background sensation. His hold is secure, but not too tight. Almost lovingly. A behavior which is so odd and insane, given our roles.  And all the while the red Templar continues his litany. It lulls me in, strange symphony to the steady thrum and hum of corrupted Lyrium. My eyelids flutter close as vision starts to blur again. So weak. So weak. 

 

‘Bring her to me… bring her to me… bring her to me… your General demands it…’

 

A breathy sigh escapes my chapped lips and then my head lolls to the side. Forehead touching the chilly breastplate, nicking my skin further with the growing Lyrium there. My body is relaxed. No. Limp. No strength left in muscles, no will to fight in my mind. I let myself be carried like a doll. And given the fact how empty my stomach feels… I don’t think my weight is much different now. After all this time. Dimly, I wonder. Is someone searching for me as well, like for the Templar who carries me? 

Fleeting images, of a life long ago. Of people I called friends once. Laughed, shared stories and emotions. But it changes as golden eyes appear before my inner mind. Breathtaking pain grips my heart. I don’t want to return to this life. Not when he is gone. A single tear rolls down my cheek, small and lost like me. I miss you so much… With this thought in mind I close my eyes, surrendering to my fate.

 

After several sequences of dozing on and off in his arms, the Templar stops. My head lolls to the other side at the sudden break of motion, and I make an inaudible sound of discomfort. I miss the steady rocking of his gait. It was like being on a ship, or being in the arms of my mother when I was a child. He ignores me, of course. For him, I am just a burden, a prisoner which he was ordered to bring… where? I squeeze my eyes shut. Even though he had murmured the same words all the time, it is difficult to recall what he was saying. Unlike the red Lyrium melody which I could repeat to sing without a further thought.

He was ordered to bring me to some… where… some… one… another red Templar?   The sensation of digging shards in my skin changes as he adjusts his hold on me, then bends forward slightly. Metal scratches against metal, followed by a protesting creak of wood. A door? Eyes are closed, refusing my order to open them again. Too heavy. Too weak. 

 

As the Templar enters the new room with me in his arms, I am just barely aware of the shift in temperature. All is dim, consciousness slipping through my fingers like sand. But his footsteps echo again, which makes me realize that wherever we are… it is a large room. A hall. Another cell?  I try again to open my eyes, but no success. I am so tired. Both hands curling over my chest, clinging to each other in an attempt to get comfort. I give up. Succumb to darkness once more. The last thing I experience is the loosened hold of the Templar on my body, and the feel of soft clouds on my pained back. Then… Darkness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Soft smooth fabric. Rustling almost inaudible as I shift. The muscles in my body are tired, still, protesting when I roll on my side, curl into as weak ball. Red Lyrium melody surrounds me, but it is a different string of tunes. Somehow… lighter. Lovingly. Refreshing. Eyes closed I breathe in. And out. Metallic tang lingers on my tongue, tickles my nose. But the air is less humid wherever I am, a change that makes me shiver. So long enveloped in corrupted warmth, the drop of temperature uncomfortable. 

As if sensing my predicament, I hear the creak of wood and leather. Then something… someone hot touches my hand. Dirt coats my skin, dulling the contact. Still, I can feel the uneven texture. Shards, smaller than the ones I experienced earlier. I can dimly recall being carried. From my cell to somewhere else. But then my attention is pulled back into present. Gentle pressure as long fingers trail upwards on my skin, circling the dry and napped knuckles. Eyelids fluttering I try to lift my head, to look. But I feel so tired, so so weak. Blearily and just slow my vision clears. A hand, streaked with fine red veins. Pulsing, bulging. Calloused but still so tender.

 

Fingers end with long nails, pointed and reddish too. Not painted like I used to wear them myself. The color comes from within, seeping through the skin of my visitor. I should be alarmed, terrified. But it is the first loving contact in what feels like an eternity. The gentle touch of a lover or friend. A hug, a caress. I only remember them faintly. So as these clawlike fingers dance over my skin, I sigh contently. To my despair the caress stops immediately as the sound leaves my lips. No. Don´t stop!

I wish for more and my fingers twitch, but the muscles deny their duty. Unable to lift my hand I curl it in the fabric underneath me. A single tear escapes my eye. So helpless. If the visitor is surprised by my reactions to his touch, he does not show. His fingers start their journey anew, using the gaps between my spread fingers to interlace our hands in the end. More contact, skin on corrupted skin. A lovers touch, electing the feel of home in me. Salvation. The touch is searing, nearly too hot. But I can’t help and smile. Weak, but genuine.

The ground underneath me moves as weight settles down on it. Close to me. I am too tired to tense, to be alarmed. Something scratches, rustling of fabric. My ears twitch at the sound once, then twice as hot breath ghosts over the pointed shell. Metallic tang, something I already start to associate with home. How does a flower smell like? I don’t know anymore. As the visitor speaks his hand squeezes mine. Gentle, but still the tiny shards in his palm nick my skin.

 

‘You’re finally awake, Sunshine.’ My brows furrow. I remember the timbre, the accent. It sounds familiar, but also alien. How can this be? A growl accompanies each syllable, twisting the sensual voice into something sinister. And the nickname… my heart speeds up. I heard it before. One the battlements of a fortress long forgotten, large hands covering my small waist. A kiss full of passion, pent up emotions, leaving my lips behind with a tingling sensation as we part. A beautiful smile, golden eyes shining with love and devotion. Whispered words, a confession of love. The feel of hope and salvation, long forgotten, blooms in me. Just a tiny, tiny light. But it is there. Cullen?

My heart constricts as I blink rapidly, trying to chase away the fog. I want to see. To ask. Lips, chapped and with just the faintest trace of remaining lipstick part to answer, to question. But my tongue is dry, sticking to the roof of my mouth. So I gather all my strength and tilt my head, looking up. I want to see. Him.

Next to me, a red Templar. Supporting his weight on one arm on the mattress as he is bend over me. He looks familiar, from what I can see through blurred vision. His hand squeezes mine and he straightens, hot metallic breath leaving my ear. I shudder and refuse to let go, my fingers twitching weakly in a pitiful attempt to return the gesture.

 

‘I’m sorry that it took me so long...’ The Templar says next and my eyes widen, heart beating faster and faster with each word that leaves his lips. I know this voice. The red glow behind him is strong, casts his face into shadows. All I can see is his broad frame, the wide shoulders. It looks so familiar. He looks familiar. Maybe my mind is clouded, my senses mocking me. But the thought that he is alive… my Cullen is alive… Glassy eyes look up at the prone form of the Templar, trying to decipher. When he speaks again his voice with it’s dark timbre is softer, caring. It sounds strange, the sinister growl twisting his words. 

‘But I am here now. No one will ever hurt and take you away from me again, my Love’ I sigh at his words and try to smile, leaning into his touch while shard-spiked knuckles brush my dirty cheek. The contact is like searing fire, painful where the Lyrium growing out of his skin tears my flesh. But I don’t feel it. His words captivate me. A promise of salvation and protection. And the endearment… it resonates in my heart. Love. Only one person in the world had called me love.

With this thought in mind I willingly let him adjust my body, till I am outstretched on the mattress on my back. So soft. I blink several times, vision clearing slowly. Red Lyrium, everywhere. Like a grotesque decoration, it grows in tendrils up the bed posts of the canopy bed. Pulsing red on dark oak wood, stretching at last over the bed’s ceiling like a tree crown. Sheets bathed in a luring red, their softness the reason for my little peaceful slumber earlier. 

 

Before I can comprehend the situation further the mattress starts to move, weight making it dip.  Seconds later my view is obscured by a shadow, crawling over me. Red glowing eyes in an seraphic face, illuminated by red light of the crystals. Full lips stretched into a loving smile, accenting the scar on the upper lip. A scar I loved to kiss. Once. In another life. Lips parting I exhale audibly, whispering his name for the first time in what it felt like an eternity, all my hope and life clinging to it.

 

‘Cullen?’

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates for **all** Stories of mine will be very slow now because of personal reasons. Please be patient with me. Comments of motivation are greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

 

Silence settles between us, while I am captivated by ruby glowing eyes. One minute passes, maybe two. Then the red Templar smiles and leans closer. Breaths of air mingling between us, features of his beauty tender between reddened veins like spiderwebs on his face. Even now he is handsome, my fearless lion. He does not care for my hunger tinged breath, love and madness equally in his eyes. Large hands splayed out on either side of my head, he nuzzles my nose tenderly instead of killing me… like he should? Would he kill me now? Release me from all the pain?

 

‘Yes, my Sunshine. It’s me…’ he murmurs and brushes his lips against mine, his word of endearment reminding me of our shared past. I gasp a choked breath at the contact, trembling all over at this gesture of affection. Oh how I missed this. Missed him. Is this a trick of my dying mind? Giving me back the presence of the man I believed dead one last time? Tears slide down my cheeks, hope growing while suspicion is dying. No, he isn’t dead. He is alive. Changed - but alive. My Cullen is alive!

 

The moment realization reaches my eyes full lips stretch into a knowing smile, the scar on the upper one stretching feral.

‘I am sorry that it took me so long… but now I am here.’ Words dark and full of promise, voice gravely and rough as if he speaks with shards in his mouth. But all I can see is his loving gaze, the tender smile I return weakly.

‘I will make you strong again. Not even death can separate us now.’ Cullen promises, features twisting a little as he takes in my undernourished appearance. Hair once silken and soft is matted, tangled in knots and caked with blood, dirt… dried snot. Bones clearly visible under ghostly pale skin, a fine fuzz of hair having grown as my body tried to shield me from the cold in a last desperate attempt. It makes the patches of skin not dirty or injured soft to the touch ad Cullen hums thoughtfully as his other hand slides along my rib cage. Once I checked myself trice in the mirror before a meeting with him. But now all thoughts of a good impression were gone. All that I cared for was that he is alive…

 

‘Cullen…’ I whisper raspy, tongue dry and sticking to the roof of my mouth. He shushes me gently, one clawed forefinger placed on my lips.

‘Don’t speak just yet. Save your strength...’ my red lion murmurs and lowers himself gently. Hips settled between my spread and slightly bend legs, covering my body with his larger one. The posture is intimate, but he keeps his weight away from me. All I can feel is the heat he radiates, seeping into my skin. Warming my skin.. And my heart. Tears gather in my eyes as they flutter close, the feel of him so close like a sweet dream come true. How I missed his touch. His warmth. His love.

He shifts and brushes my tears away, the rasp of his pointed claw like fingers on my cheek evoking a shudder. A soft kiss brushed against my cracked dry lips, letting warmth and his love linger while he pulls away. I whimper pitifully, limbs too weak to chase his movement. But Cullen knows. Hand sliding behind my nape, supporting my head as he lifts me up like a doll. I shift willingly despite exhaustion as he guides me into a sitting position. His muscled arm comes to rest behind my shoulder blades, keeping my upright.

 

‘Let me take care of you...’ he murmurs and my eyelids flutter as he lifts me sideways in his lap. The head intensifies and so does the Lyrium melody, drowning me in a haze of red. Like a child he cradles me in his arms, our difference in height and build more palpable than before. Soft whimpers and wheezes accompany my movements, leaving my lips unbidden.

‘Shh... I know…’ he comments on my sounds of pain, shifting with me in his lap and leans to the side. Clawed fingers scratch against metal, then seconds later something cool but smooth touches my lips.

 

‘Drink, my Sunshine… You need to get healthy again.’ he murmurs in my ear and I obey without questioning even once, parting my lips. The liquid hits my tongue and I moan in weak delight at the flavor. It’s a thick soup with potatoes. Hot but not unpleasant so. Also a intense metallic taste, reminding me of the lyrium song all around me. One glance down at the bowl in his clawed hand confirms it. Powdered red Lyrium swims on the surface of the soup, little swirls created whenever I swallow a mouthful down. The voice inside that screamed to fight has long gone silent, and so I drink greedily.

 

After every few seconds Cullen pulls the bowl away to let me breathe. It is futile, this small bowl of soup won’t be enough to make up for weeks... Months of neglect. But it’s a start. Pleasant warmth fills my belly, tingling in my veins as the red lyrium spreads in my blood. Taking hold in the cells, body and mind.

 

When the bowl is empty Cullen hums in approval and caresses my back, clawed fingers sliding over my bony spine. Loving. Caring. Tender. I sigh and lean into the touch, a strength long forgotten slowly returning to my body. One trembling hand lifting up, touching the stubbly skin of his cheek. He feels feverishly hot but turns his face, pressing a kiss into my open palm.

‘I missed your touch so much, Sunshine.’ Cullen purrs and I shudder at the lustful timbre, golden eyes with a red hue darkening as he glances down at me. Heat has settled in my bones, a fire kindled inside me. The lyrium? Love? I don’t care. As long as he looks at me and is here, nothing else matters. Full lips brush against mine once more, more insistent and hungry than before. Sharing the lingering taste of red Lyrium and potato soup between us. But he holds back, I notice it through the redness clouding my mind. But why?

 

Cullen’s hold on me lessens and gently he lowers me on the soft bed once more. Following the movement, one knee propped up between my spread thighs. Hoovering over me, gaze trailing all over my body. Taking in the rags covering, obscuring, denying him the sight of complete nakedness. Dreamily I stare up at him, hand still cupping his cheek. Thumb caressing his feverish skin, tracing the reddened veins.

 

Metal slides against metal and I see the blade of a dagger flash out of the corner of my eyes. I should move, tense, fight. But… I don’t want to. Instead I smile up in adoration, trusting him as Cullen leans over me, chilly silverite trailing along my pale skin, the bruises, inflamed skin and cuts never healed. My mind is foggy once more, red lyrium clouding my senses. As he starts to cut all I feel and see is warmth and his loving smile, brighter than the red sun.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

One by one the tattered remains of my clothes fall away, pooling around my undernourished body. Allowing my red lion to see the damage done of the past weeks. A deep sigh resonates through his chest and he drops the dagger. It lands with a muffled thud on the silken blankets next to us, close to my hand. But I don’t reach out for it. Because why should I?

 

‘My beautiful sunshine... I am so sorry...’ Cullen murmurs with regret and cups my cheek. The red crystals blooming on his palm and knuckles glow faintly, radiating a warmth so hot it nearly burns me. But it is the touch of a lover and I smile. 

‘I am sorry it took me so long...’ he whispers, head bending down to kiss me anew. Gently but hungry, pulling away before he loses himself. I sigh when our lips part, eyelashes fluttering. His other clawed hand traces ribs and my hip bone in worry, face twisting with despair. I hold his gaze, hand sliding over his on my face. 

‘It’s not that bad… And my last wish was fulfilled…’ I say weakly, opting for a soft smile. ‘Seeing you one last time...’ Isn’t it strange that I am the one how who comforts him? When he is the one healthy and full of life - while mine withers away?

 

As if reading my thoughts the red lion shakes his head, determination shining in glowing red eyes. 

‘No. You will not die. I won't alow it!’ Cullen says in a growl and roughly rips away the tattered rags, freeing my body from the memory of imprisonment. It ignites pain which I don’t feel clearly, the red lyrium in my blood numbing it. Instead my other senses sharpen more and more. Strength returns to my body. Slowly, but steadily I am able to see more detailed. My lover’s skin is pale and the metallic tang on his breath is intense. Veins, reddened and slightly bulged trail along his neck and disappear in the collar of the tunic he wears. 

 

In the past, this had been one of my nightmares. To see my proud and fierce lion like this, twisted and tainted by red lyrium. A mindless weapon like the other red Templars. But there is no fear in me… Cullen recognizes me still. And… he is alive.

‘I thought I lost you. That they killed you...’ I hear myself say, tears gathering in my eyes. They have a slight red hue now, the tainted lyrium having taken root in my blood. Cullen shifts above me, muscled arms sliding under my shoulder blades and knees. The crystals on his skin scratch along mine, irritating and inflicting wounds. Their tainted surface digs into my flesh, heightening the level of red poison in my blood. I shudder at the sudden dizziness as lyrium enters my body, barely feeling the tender kiss on my temple.

‘Shh... don’t fight it... embrace it...’ He murmurs and lifts me up, cradling me in his arms once more. ‘They never wanted to kill me… their plan was different’ Cullen continues and walks with me in his arms across the room, smiling in approval as my hand curls in the silken fabric of the tunic he wears. 

 

‘Different?’ I echo in confusion, marveling equally at his strength as Cullen sinks to his knees smoothly. The comfortable heat of wetness touches my back and I tense for just one moment, before relaxing again. Lowering me further into the black bathtub made of strange metal, he supports my upper body with one arm. I sigh as water engulfs me, once again the pain of inflamed wounds numbed by red lyrium. Instead I smell the scent of peaches and elfroot, a sweet minty odor that emanates from the bathing water. 

While he supports me with one hand the other grabs the sponge nearby, dipping it into the water. Glowing red eyes flicker up to me and soften, although the madness lingers still there. 

‘As soon as they told me that they still had you… i stopped to fight’ Cullen explains and starts to slide the soft sponge over my skin. Mindful of bruises and cuts he cleans me and I sigh, my head tipping back against his upper arm. It feels good. So good. Layer after Layer of dirt and neglect he washes away, while continuing to speak. 

 

‘Your life… in exchange of my service.’ At this my eyes flutter open - when did I close them? - And I am once more captivated by his ruby glowing eyes. He smiles gently and lifts the sponge up to my face, carefully washing away grime and dried blood. 

‘Your service?’ I echo anew, although I already understand what this means. And it makes me foolish. Of course they wouldn’t have killed the infamous Commander of the Inquisition. A master strategist like him was better suited to command their own armies then be slain. It also confirms my role in all this... I have been the bait. The one thing they could use to blackmail him. Sadness grips my heart, although I don’t know why. The memories of the past are blurred. There have been things my proud lion had accomplished. A fight against lyrium, nearly won. Only a different color... I think. 

 

Cullen drops the sponge and moves over to wash my hair, his supporting hand never leaving me. The strength of red lyrium fills me more and more, but still he refuses to let me go. He seems to read my thoughts of guilt, forefinger curling under my chin to tilt it up. 

‘Don’t feel bad, Sunshine’ Cullen murmurs with a smile, applying a feather light kiss to my lips. 

‘The inquisition was about to lose anyway. Our numbers only a fraction of what the dark Master calls his forces. The only thing that kept me fighting for it was you.’ he admits and his clawed thumb caresses my cheek as he gazes down at me. 

‘And the dark Master promised me that no harm would come to you if I agreed to his proposal. Be his general of red Templars.’ 

 

I swallow hard at this new information, trying to decipher the meaning of it. Cullen meanwhile washes my hair, lowering me more into the water to free the tresses from dirt and blood. 

‘But… But… Thedas… We need to save...’ I try to intervene, to reason. If not for us, the world would be doomed. I have the anchor to close the breach. The life of innocents are depending on me. I-

‘Sunshine…’ My red lion says softly and his hand stills in my hair, ruby eyes fixing me in place. 

‘I don’t care for this world, because it is already doomed. But if you accept the dark Master’s gift just as I did… we can be together forever.’ His words are spoken with such intent, such conviction. It leaves me breathless, speechless. 

He lets go of my hair, now clean and free of tangles to slide his arms back under my shoulders and knees, lifting me up into his arms without caring that his tunic gets drenched. Balanced on his lap and sitting sideways he wraps a large towel around my shoulders, his eyes never leaving mine. 

 

‘Love is ultimately selfish', a friend once said to me. ‘It demands that one be devoted to a single person, who may fully occupy one's mind and heart, to the exclusion of all else.’ These words now ring in my head as Cullen walks with me in his arms over to the roaring fireplace. Heat and light radiates from it as we settle down in the armchair in front of it, Cullen’s hand guiding my head to rest on his chest. I feel the steady beat of his heart, the crystals on his skin glinting in the firelight.

 

My red lion regards me with a thoughtful gaze, full lips stretching into a smile as I lean up to kiss his jaw. The faint crystals there nick the tender skin of my lips, blood oozing from the cuts. But I don’t care. We are alive. And I will not squander this second chance life has given me. As Cullen slowly extends a hand to pick up a red vial resting on the small table next to the armchair, my eyes follow his movement patiently. 

‘I love you, Sunshine…’ he murmurs and uncorks the vial, coppery tang and sweet melody filling the air around us instantly. My eyes flicker back up to his as he brings the vial close to my lips. 

 

‘I love you too, my Lion. Forever’ I whisper and enclose his hand with both of mine, tilting the vial up and pouring the liquid red lyrium in my mouth. 

  
Doomed be the inquisition. Doomed be Ferelden, Orlais, Thedas. All that matters is Cullen. 

 

 

With that thought… I swallow the dark Master’s gift.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW and dark!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no explanation for this. And the worst: I am not even sorry.

 

 

With a thoughtful smile I brush past the balcony doors outside. Red Lyrium crawls along the glass, illuminating the darkened space. The drug had been kind to me, my complexion nearly unblemished. Veins only darkened slightly, complexion pale and smooth. Only my eyes, reflecting in the glass, tell the truth. Glowing slightly and ruby red, matching the rich silken dress of the same color I wear. Four months since I took the dark Master’s gift, and I never felt this powerful. Strength and beauty have returned to me, the daily dose of red Lyrium like a balm. I neither feel coldness, nor pain. There is only heat and the soft melody of the song. Luring me in like a lullaby, day and night. 

I shift a little, bare hands touching the icy stone of the balustrade to get a better view of what unfolds in the courtyard. The cold breeze plays with my hair, flowing freely in the wind. It also took on a slight red hue, like bride’s veil. Glowing red eyes search for my heart’s desire, flickering along walls coated with Lyrium and the bustling of metal underneath the balcony. There.

 

My red lion stands fierce and proud, issuing orders to his men. They all hang on his lips, eagerly fulfilling each command. Soon we will march into the final battle. In the back of my mind, I recall a similar scene. Back in a fortress which's name I can’t remember. We were different back then. Weaker. Full of ill advised illusion of a victory we would, could have never accomplished. I shake my head and just then, the red General looks up. Our eyes met and he smiles, his sword sinking slowly back to his side. Another order issued, and then he leaves the scene. I bite my bottom lip and stay as I were, even though my heart thumps now loudly in my chest. Heat spirals higher, eyes fluttering close. I know this look. this smile he gave me. 

Since my... condition changed due to our ministrations, he became even more ravenous than before. Red Lyrium heightens strength, focus and also stamina. Especially the last one my red lion puts to good use.

Eyes opening slowly once more, I survey our home with patience while I wait for him to arrive. The shrine of durmat. Once our prison, now our own stronghold. Red Templars residing here, waiting for our dark Master’s final command to attack. It will be soon, Cullen told me two nights ago. Dumat is larger than the fortress I once called my home. Back when I was a savior. But I am no longer. Willingly I gave up this title, pushing away duty and obligations to follow my heart. 

 

His steps are silent like the ones of a cat. This hasn’t changed since I saw him for the first time, but still I jump a little as clawed hands slide along my waist from behind, folding in front of my belly. For a moment his touch is soft, fingers caressing the soft swell there. His doing. But then lust gains the upper hand. Growling, my red general pulls me against his broad and muscled body. He shed his armor on the way up to our chambers, the musk of fresh sweat, sweet red lyrium and his unique scent encircling me. I sigh and smile, leaning my head back against his chest. 

 

‘My Sunshine...’ he murmurs, voice already dropped a little. ‘Haven’t I told you to stay inside till I am done? You're distracting me.’ His scold is gentle and I hear him smile between the words, just as full lips graze my bare neck. I shiver unbidden, the heat coming from this kiss filling me with desire. And oh he knows. Of course he does. Our hearts beat nearly at the same rhythm, we share thoughts, memories and future. 

‘Yes I think I remember this’ I purr with amusement, one hand lifted up to caress his cheek and blindly. ‘But then I decided I do not care. The sight of you commanding the forces is so-’

My further taunting words get cut off as he bites down hard, sharp teeth digging into the juncture of my neck. A gasp escapes my lips, his hold on me the only thing keeping me upright. He guides us away from the balcony, step by step while his teeth break through pale skin. This time I moan, a sound that fills his lust. Cullen answers with a growl and starts to suck, coppery blood and red lyrium shared between us. 

 

‘Oh my Lion...’ I whimper in delight, heat letting my body prickle and shake. He laughs and releases my neck with a parting lick.

‘Minx. Disobeying an order of your general... what am I to do with you...?’ Cullen muses and tilts my face up and to the side, our eyes locking. Both dark and ruby red, glowing bright and enthralling. 

‘Whatever you want’ I husk against his lips before capturing them, chasing red Lyrium and my own blood from his lips. He groans throatily at that and returns the kiss, deepens it. one clawed hand curls around my throat, sharp thumbnail grazing over the bite wound he caused. Irritating abused skin, heightening pain and pleasure. For a few moments it continues just like that, his tongue invading my mouth and dominating the kiss. I cling to him like a woman starved, the Lyrium coming from him heady and empowering. 

 

He takes more of the drug than me, the side effects of this circumstance showing more and more in the last few weeks. Shards have grown all over his skin, voice deeper and a gravely tone it is nearly inhuman. But still he stays the man I met a lifetime ago, the man I love so deeply, so eternal. 

 

And so I obey instantly as he growls his next command against my lips. 

‘On your knees, sunshine. Serve your General’ Slender pale hands let go of the surcoat immediately, turning and sliding down, supporting me as do as he demanded. His gaze is dark and burning, one clawed hand sliding in my hair while the other undoes belt and laces with practiced ease. I remember faintly the first time I pleasured him like this. All I know about sex, I learned from him. He took my virginity the same night, my innocence and the hope of Thedas. Completely, utterly, I am his. The mistress of the red general. 

 

Eagerly I lick my lips as his cock springs free, red lyrium having taken it’s toll there as well. Feverishly hot, dark veins like tendrils trailing along the impressive length. Thick and long, I need both hands to encircle the base. Stroking with worship, ruby glowing eyes fixed on the General’s handsome face. Awaiting his approval to begin. But of course, he takes his time. Enjoying the view of me on my knees, obedient and submissive. Another side effect of red lyrium. I faintly remember Cullen being a gentle, if not even shy lover. We never did more than kisses in our first life. But It was always me who initiated intimacy. Now the tables have turned. With the lyrium came his dominance, all consuming and not allowing anyone else giving orders… beside himself. And I like - no. Love it.

 

My red general seems to read my thoughts, a devilish smirk appearing on full lips. Gently but insistent he guides me forward, the other clawed hand covering mine, resting on his thigh. 

‘Open your mouth, Sunshine... let me use you.’ he says darkly and I obey greedily, parting my lips to gain him entrance. Cullen marvels at my utter submission, pride, madness and love shining in ruby eyes. 

‘Good girl...’ he praises and lets his cock slide in my mouth, hissing softly as heat and wetness engulfs him. My eyelids flutter, the taste and smell of him so intense and stoking my hunger. All the way he goes, till his heavy balls touch my chin. Coarse hair tickles there while he invades my throat, keeps himself deep. The gagging reflex numbed by red Lyrium in my veins, my only will to please the red general. My red lion. The man I love, more than my life itself. 

 

Cullen hums in pleasure and pulls back, interlacing our hands on his thigh. Thick cock glistening wet with my saliva in the soft red light of red Lyrium crystals around us, he groans at the sight before pushing in deep again. 

‘You make me so fucking happy.’ he croons and his hold in my hair tightens, keeping me pinned in place as he closes the last few inches to my throat with a rough thrust. Still no pain, even though I know it should hurt. In another lifetime, it would have. Blessed be Lyrium, which makes me so capable to please him. 

Again and again he repeats his rough thrusts, pulling out to watch my lips slide along his glistening length before plunging back in. His breathing grows heavier, fine pearls of sweat glistening on his forehead. Golden hair unruly and escaped it’s neat style, clinging to his head as he uses me to his pleasure. 

 

But then all of sudden he pulls away, slick cock slapping against my chin and cheek as he steps back. Bating my hands away and taking himself in hand, breathing hard and singling me with a dark glare. 

‘Get on the bed. I want to fuck you now.’ He grunts out and I whimper in delight, scrambling hurriedly to obey his command. He follows my movements and guides me, clawed hand protectively and caring on the soft swell of my belly despite the lust cursing through his veins. On my hands and knees settled I glance over my shoulder at him, smiling in adoration as the mattress dips and he steps up behind me. Claws slide along my waist as he releases his hold, bunching up the fabric of my dress while he strokes himself slowly, languorously.

 

‘This sight of you...’ the red general murmurs and leans over me, hand coming to rest around my throat while he aligns himself with the other. Sharp pointed fingernails graze my sensitive skin and I shudder, leaning into the touch. He could slit my throat so easily, we both know this. But he never would. 

‘So willingly... dripping wet with desire... and all for me...’ words husked and heightening my lust, a tsked sound as I try to press back against him. I want him inside me. Now. 

‘Hush... all in good time...’ Cullen murmurs and lets the crown slide between my dripping folds, humming low at the feeling while I shudder. 

 

‘If I could, I would spend the rest of my life like this...’ a kiss by hot lips, applied on my shoulder blade. ‘Mounting you like the animals we are, my cock stretching and filling you with my splendor.’ Moaning I nod, before my head drops down on the mattress. The red general chuckles at that, slowly pressing inside me. Savoring each inch, letting me feel each ridge and pulse of his length while he enters. 

‘And when we took back what belonged us... I will fuck you on that fabled sun-throne, let our... friends...’ he emphasizes the last word with a mocking sound, bottoming out. 

‘... Watch our coupling before my men slit their throats. Their blood splattering on the stone while I fuck you harder and harder...’ we both groan as he simultaneously does exactly that, filling me again and again with hard deep thrusts. 

 

‘And when the last light of life leaves their eyes, I will still be fucking you. Ramming you, screwing you... and then you will say-’ I interrupt his dirty words with a high pitched moan, pleasure starting to crest. He isn’t far behind, thrust becoming erratic and jerky. 

‘Thank you my red lion for your seed! Give me more!’ I end his sentence, a last loud and hard snap of powerful hips as we reach our high, my wail drowned out by his growling roar.

 

 

 


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit... the last few sentences were difficult to write. But I hope it makes sense. And you squeal - or chase me now with pitchforks and torches (if the latter is the matter: *runs*)

 

 

 

‘You! Why are you doing this!? We trusted you!’ Her cry of despair gets cut off, the words she hurled at me just a faint breeze in the storm raging around us. The red General growls and makes a gesture with his hand, a heartbeat later warm blood splatters over the floor as life leaves the revered mother. Her eyes turn dull, tears glinting there while I smile with pity. Poor sods. Our assault was an success - because of course it would be. Who knows better the weak spots of a fortress than the man who once was sworn to protect it?

 

Cullen’s clawed hand curls tighter around my smaller one and he pulls me close, as we walk slowly, majestic into the main hall. Blood paints the walls and floors red, once proud banners ripped and torn like rags hanging from the ceiling. And there... in the in front of the throne are set up ten people. Kneeling with a red templar behind each of them. To guard, awaiting the final command. The prisoners look familiar somehow, their eyes widening first, then their faces pale as they seem to recognize.

‘Maker!’ A pretty woman with an antivan accent calls out, her expensive attire torn and smudged with blood. But she can’t say more, the red Templar standing behind her growls and presses the blade deeper against her throat. A thin line of blood trails down from there, towards her cleavage and the golden necklace she wears.

 

Once, we drank tea together… I think. But all I do now is tilt my head to the side, before snuggling closer to my Lover. He chuckles darkly and guides us forward, like king and queen we ascend the few stairs to the throne. Spikes surround the back of the chair, a sun etched into the wood. The other prisoners are silent, still I can feel their eyes following us. The red general turns before the throne, observing the scene with a victorious grin. One hand on my shoulder now, the other guides our interlaced ones to the soft swell of my belly. Prisoner’s eyes follow the movement, this time the pale boy with the large hat speaks up.

 

‘Dark and twisted. Eternal love in utter darkness...’ he mutters and my lover growls in warning. At once the red Templar behind the boy reacts, his hold on the poor thing tightening. I smile softly at his words, let myself be guided in the red General’s lap as he settles down on the throne.

 

‘Cullen! Why are you doing this?!’ A woman with a strange braid in her short hair. two pairs of glowing ruby eyes flicker towards her, my head tilting thoughtfully to the left. Catrina? Carissande? Something with C…

‘Silence!’ the addressed General growls, now clearly annoyed. But I feel the flicker of uncertainty in his heart. He knew this woman in the past. Just like I did. And somewhere in his dark state of mind… there is pity. Sadness that things have to end like this. A friendship dying slowly.

 

‘Memories behind a curtain of red… The past matters not… all that matters now is the new life growing inside her...’ again the pale boy utters, light blue eyes dropping away from my face and down to where Cullen’s hand rests on my stomach. I feel his clawed hand twitch, the other coming to interlace, protect too. The eyes of the other prisoners drops to my belly as well, a few gasp in realization. It makes me feel strangely vulnerable and I twist in my red general’s arms, burying my face in the crook of his neck. His strong arms wrap around me, holding me close as he kisses my forehead.

‘I love you, Sunshine’ he murmurs against my pale skin, then louder to his Templars:

‘Kill them!’ he shields my eyes from the view as metal fizzles, sickening wet sounds followed by splashes as throats are cut open. A woman cries in despair, then it becomes a wheezing, bubbling sound. Dull thuds as lifeless bodies sink to the ground, gurgling and twitching in seas of blood. The sound makes my stomach lurch, a wave of sadness washing over me as the last string to our past is cut. My eyes squeeze shut, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

 

Then Cullen tilts my head up, ruby eyes glowing softly down at me.

‘They don’t deserve your pity nor compassion.’ he whispers against my lips and brushes the tear away.

‘Embrace our new life, which started with their death. And together, we will make this stronghold a center for our dark Master's power... and beautiful home for our child...' with that his hand settles on my belly and I smile between tears, capturing his lips in a joyful kiss.

 

 

 


End file.
